The name of this blog comes from our mission at INFLUENCE: “To empower people with clarity and confidence.”
Our objective is to provide brief but meaningful topics (under 500 words) that inspire, educate and empower leaders through resources both inside and outside of INFLUENCE. This week’s edition is provided by David Salmons.
Knowing how to have a hard conversation is necessary for leaders, and for that matter, it’s a great skill for anyone to learn. That’s because no amount of intelligence, kindness, empathy, or professionalism can make up for the fact that each of us is at the center of our own universe.
Specifically, we each have a unique set of perceptions, approaches, motivations, experiences, blind sides, hot buttons, and so forth. Because of this, sooner or later, as organizational leaders the chances are that someone on our teams will become unproductive or even counterproductive.
Add to this some truly significant variations in “personal awareness” and these individuals may realize they’re creating difficulties, or they may not.
What can you do as a leader to address this? As a general rule, the place to start is to talk it out, and if you’re new at this, here’s some tips:
- Pick your place and time to avoid distractions. Most of us can only do one thing well at a time, so make sure the conversation has every chance to succeed.
- Be prepared. Know what you want. If it’s different behavior or outcomes, be able to clearly describe what’s not working and what you would like to happen when the time is right.
- Be respectful. The best chance for a meeting of the minds is in a safe place.
- Be honest. Focus on shared team objectives, then be clear and specific in stating your perspective about why you – and the team – need the conversation to occur. It can help to frame the message in terms of what you need from the individual’s role.
- Be curious. How does the other person perceive the situation? Ask questions. Really listen. Get to the bottom of how and why they see things as they do, and are behaving as they are.
- Be human. Address valid concerns. And if you see ways that you’ve contributed to a misunderstanding, admit it. Apologize.
- Be positive. Use language that shows you expect a positive conclusion and mutual ownership. Re-emphasize the shared objectives and ask how the other person sees themselves contributing at their best in meeting the requirements of their role. Seek “I will” statements and make your own as needed. Keep a record.
- Be realistic. Give it your best. Still, if the other individual is unwilling to engage in good faith, that’s they’re choice, whether they see it as one or not. Where denial or deflection result, perhaps it’s time for intensive coaching, potentially including a deadline for demonstrated results.
Should no progress be made, it may simply be best for the individual to seek opportunity elsewhere. As a leader, you may need to help them recognize this and move on.
In conclusion, ownership is key. Even as a leader must own a difficult conversation, so must everyone involved own shared outcomes. Follow-up and feedback are necessary. And keep in mind that the best results will be made on teams where everyone understands team goals and shares a commitment for their achievement.